also trust

so society is actively collapsing...we knew this sometime ago. i would trace the decline at the onset of darwinism. the theory reduces the value of life to that of animals, beasts, insects even. we are merely the highest form of a chain of beasts. so what if some conquer, oppress, or destroy others? we're all literally just meat. there is no moral value in meat, in eating it, killing it, enslaving it. in fact, we saw the decline immediately after darwin's theory took hold in the form of adolf hitler. he was basically the first darwinist warmonger. now we have institutionalized his beliefs in academia and the news media, somewhat in the church. it's insane. the only difference now is that our beliefs are less theoretical and more practical.

my point is that i want to buy a gun. well, i don't want to but i should. one way or another, eventually america will collapse. every country does. it's in the nature of all of us to throw off authority. first, we degrade authority both by the actions of authority and the actions of those under authority. we teach our children that authority is inherently unrighteous. we deny the existence of God. we tear down our fathers and replace them with our mothers who do not handle authority well. women do not control their emotions well without the strong influence of men. i think every honest women will agree with me and the dishonest will just scream with rage.

i will buy a gun, not because i want to, but because circumstances necessitate i do. i guess i am not a man if i don't take ownership of my decision. i want a goddamn gun. i'll probably get a sig. those look nice. i try to deny the responsibility of making a decision because i'm afraid. i'm afraid of owning a gun, of shooting one, of having this responsibility of life and death, of having to defend myself and my family, of the whole idea of growing up and being a man. it's time i guess. i'm not a child and i don't want to not buy a gun just because my mother doesn't like guns. grow up, dude.

oh yeah, the title. do i trust God and not buy a gun? do i trust God to defend me? he may not. it's my soul he defends, not my body. 

precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his godly ones.

HA. he wants me to die, at some point. the body is not his main concern. so do i trust him and not buy a gun, or do i move forward and trust him in buying one and trust him to give me the maturity to handle this responsibility? do i grow up?