There are a few things I remember vividly about being a
child. Disneyland was wonderful the first time I went. The first time I hit a
homerun was amazing. I thought Tanya in the 5th grade was the
prettiest girl I had ever known, and when she was friendly to me I literally lost
my mind—mostly my words. I lost my words. Painful things are just as vivid.
My best friend in the 5th grade was Chris, and that time I somehow offended him, and he suddenly wanted to fight me, I was devastated. I had not cried at school since
probably preschool.
When my father would call me and my brother “stupid” for
not doing our chores, I was deeply wounded. It’s the new things that affect us.
There is little that is new anymore. I am dead to everything
because it has happened dozens of times before. Disneyland isn’t as exciting.
Having a crush on a girl is more agony than anything else. I avoid new friendships
because it is difficult to trust new people. I don’t even play baseball anymore;
I’m not sure that I would be able to contribute effectively to any team anyway.
I just can’t find any new things to see or listen to or do anymore.
But that doesn’t stop me from trying. There is little that
is truly new, but there are many new things. Entertainment offers relatively new
experiences every now and then. Music, television, movies, and books present a
nice diversion from the monotony of adult existence, but I’ve seen it all
before in different masks many, many times. In entertainment, we find love, revenge, adventure,
agony, heroism, friendship and other worthwhile yet repetitive themes. Maybe watching a
sport will have something new! Wait. No.
Sin offers lots of new experiences. Sin abounds with new
stuff. We have pornography, murder, abuse, power, deception, hatred…all of
these and each of them in countless forms. I could go on but I won’t. We are
all desperate for what is new, sometimes even if it means indulging in
destructive behaviors. We need to be children again. We need to feel something.
I know this firsthand.
What is it that new experiences offer? Rest, I think.
Relief. Freedom, possibly. In new experiences we find purpose for existence.
I have not felt this
before. I am glad I have existed long enough on this earth to experience this.
What else am I missing?
New things remove me from the humdrum of life and they also
give me relief from the anxieties therein. For a brief moment, I can enjoy what
I have never known before. When I was a child there was much more to discover,
either at home, or at school, at play, everywhere, but now...now there is life
to live. There is no time to discover. There are responsibilities and
commitments and duties and (for most people) significant relationships and none
of these ever end.
Can I ever have anything new anymore? I most definitely can
vicariously. I can create little versions of myself, or possibly adopt another’s
child and mold him into a tiny version of myself. Then I can discover the world
again through their eyes. Yes, it is definitely possible, though secondhand-ish.
Can I myself ever experience a single new thing? Is
innocence possible again at this late stage? Can I unlearn the things I have
learned? Can I trust? Can I risk a friendship or as a single man, a crush? Does
only sin offer anything new? I think I may have some idea.
God is incomprehensible. His ways are inscrutable. They are
always new. I always try to figure out God and predict what he will do, but I am
always surprised. He is always new. I have discovered in 400-year-old Puritan texts
things about Him that affect me more than Disneyland ever did. I find what is
new in Him.
Therefore if anyone is
in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things
have come.
We are new in Christ. We discover
ourselves in Christ as we trust Him and as we become like Him. We discover
purpose for our lives. We find rest and relief from the monotonous drudgery of existence.
What we seek from Friday evening to Sunday afternoon we find in Him and in our
hearts, not only on the weekend, but every day. He recreates innocence in us so
that our mind is awake with wonder, and we do not need to indulge in
self-destructive behavior any longer. He renews our trust in others by teaching
us to trust Him. We no longer have anything to fear and we are free to discover
His creation as if we were children again.
