paul washer's thoughts on porn

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ePt1daKYsB4

i haven't made it to "the lowest rung of christianity"

whatever that is. idk. i looked up "lowest rung" in the bible and didn't find anything.

yeah i look at porn. i've been struggling with porn all my life and recently decided to "step up" my efforts at combating this. yeah i'm not a great christian. who is honestly?

but why is pornography different than anger? or gossip? or reading romance novels? why does washer demonize porn users more vehemently than alcoholics or potheads? i am in no way trying to justify porn use or to say that it's ok. it's definitely not. it destroys souls. it destroys relationships. it crushes the spirit. i should know. it had done that to me. i'm just wondering why is it different than anything else? maybe washer condemned other sinners. the proud, those who worship celebrities, or those who give their time and money to watch professional basketball or football. all of it is merely emotional relief. we do these things to manage our negative emotions. we fear. we worry. we get angry. we lack trust in God. so we seek out relief in these things. we seek relief from this stress through entertainment, through sports, through alcohol, through relationships, through shopping. i love buying books that i never read. all of it keeps us from Christ. all of it is idolatry. maybe porn is the most destructive, but it isn't the most "sinful." it isn't more faithless than anything else, though it may reap the most destructive results.

it's funny though. washer in another sermon urges us to "cry out to God" to deliver us from sin. he tells us to "grab hold of the promises." i've always wondered, "what does that even mean?" it's so esoteric, so vague and intangible.  in scripture, there are few concrete, tangible steps for finding deliverance from sin. all of it is so...whimsical, so foggy, so difficult to grasp...

"seek his face"
"trust in his word"
"consider yourself dead to sin"

seek...trust...consider ---- how? all of it can only be done by faith and faith only comes from God. all i have is this little bit that i can do. i can only get on my knees and make words come from my mouth. i can't change my heart or my attitude. i can't make myself humble. i can't muster true repentance. this comes only from the Holy Spirit and he decides when to give. but i do seek. i read a little. i pray a little. i write the things that the Spirit reveals to me. a little. this is what i do and i wait. what good does it do to condemn me for this disease, for this emotional trauma that has plagued me since i was a child, that causes me to seek temporary, destructive solace in these intoxicating, hypnotic images? what good is it? does this condemnation motivate me to change? maybe temporarily. more than anything it drives me to seek for relief more desperately than before. but the end result of every failure, thank God, is this result: the Holy Spirit within me cries out, more and more, to my Father, for deliverance, for grace, for strength, for purity.

i have failed so many times. i have lost so much. i have hurt so many people that i care about. i can only believe that God has desired this to keep me close to his heart, to teach me, to humble me. i was an arrogant child. i still am, but at least now i know how arrogant, how selfish, how useless i am without Christ.